Who you are precedes what you do, and what you believe about yourself eventually becomes who you are. Or as my pastor famously puts it, "Right believing produces right living".
So I believe almost everything we do in our life and our perspective of things stems out of what we believe. So the question is, what do you really believe of yourself?
I'll go straight to the point. Go for God's opinion for you. Make that what you believe of yourself. The world's opinion of you changes. Your opinion of yourself changes. God's doesn't.
I used to believe that I'm a rare talent in art. Others say that of me, and I totally agree with them. But you know, my world back then was only.. school.. Sure enough, adulthood hits and I realize that there are millions of others better than me, and I'm just a puny speck in the art industry. My pride was crushed and I took it pretty hard. My identity felt like it's been taken away.
On the days when I believed I was Picasso incarnate, I was very confident (and arrogant). On the days when I believed I wan't that great, I was sheepish, drawing myself away completely from art. How unstable and fleeting, placing our values and identities on what we can do, how much we earn, or how we look. My suggestion, again: Go for what God says about you! It's eternal!
When drawing this, the Jesus speech bubble was left empty for a while because I didn't know what to put in. Not because I didn't know what Jesus says about us, but amongst the lot of them, which one do I pick? I searched the Bible (.. or Google), but there were no one definitive answer, or at least I didn't feel the Lord revealing anything to me. So I left his speech bubble blank and pondered and prayed about it.
The final decision? Since God's thoughts towards us outnumbers the grains of sand, I guess we'll have to make this a series. The "Jesus Thinks You Are:" series! *clap clap clap*
Now, maybe these are what God wants to reveal to me personally based on my past and background, but I'll share them anyway :) The first word that grew in my heart is:
Accepted.
(Background story. You can skip this part if you wanna)
Kids with traditional Asian parents would probably understand. I suppose to most Chinese parents, comparison and pressure equals to motivation. It has been going on from my early days of, "she's diligent and tidy. If she can do it, why can't you?" to the more recent "ask your boss for a raise! You need to earn at least $xxxx!"
Almost nothing is ever good enough, which made me believe that I am not good enough. Not a good enough daughter, not a good enough friend, not a good enough woman worthy to be fought for by a good enough man, not a good enough Christian.. All in all, not a good enough human being. Being myself was not passable, so I needed to perform, to behave. I grew up to be very hard on myself. Legalistic. Scared to speak up. Full of self made rules that I (eventually know that I) can't meet, all for the need to be accepted. If not by my parents, by everyone else.
It wasn't a happy life.
But then Jesus came barging in. For the first time ever, in church 9 years ago, I felt that there is a God who knows me through and through, all the bad and ugly, and yet still loves me. I was broken as can be, deep in sin, and yet weirdly felt that I finally belonged. God Himself wants me. God Himself wants you!
That moment, I vowed to God to prioritize Him over everything. I was going to obey all the laws that He has given, be as holy as possible, and make Him proud, and all these out of good intentions: because I felt His love for me and I loved Him back. But of course, I failed. And after failing, it was a cycle of condemnation, promising to never sin again, and breaking that promise eventually. "Am I still God's beloved?" I would wonder. 17-years-old Kimberly didn't know.
But 25-years-old Kimberly does. And the answer is a resounding YES.
Praise be to God, the truth of the bible is: It's not about us. Not about me, not about you. It's about Jesus. Only Jesus.
"To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he has made us accepted in the beloved." - Ephesians 1:6
Guys. He made us accepted! It's not our job to make ourselves acceptable, it's God's own doing! He accepts us not because we are worthy to be accepted. We are accepted because He decides so. How is this so? Because the way He accepts us is in the Beloved, referring to Jesus.
"Once you were alienated from God and were hostile in your minds because of your evil deeds. Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault." - Colossians 1:22
Christ died carrying ALL our sins with Him, and He rose without any of them! We can now be forever accepted by God even when we fail because for that very failure, a payment has been made. In Christ, we stand before God holy and blameless, without a single fault and therefore, we are forever rightfully accepted by God, even when we don't feel so!
The world and our flesh are experts in telling us that we are not enough. There are days where we might be weak and buy into the lies of needing more, looking more, earning more.. But God is telling you that the Creator of the universe likes you as you are. We don't need to please Him, He is already pleased at us as is, thanks to Jesus. We can find security in the truth that in our good days and our not so good days, His commitment towards us is never shaken. He is going nowhere. We always have a place to fall back to.
Let me share with you a revelation that I just received while writing this. Most of us know the parable of the prodigal son. Now, where was the father while the son was out partying? Home, waiting.
Where was the father while the son was out with prostitudes? Home, waiting.
Where was the father when the son was poor and alone? Home, waiting.
Where was the father when the son was devouring pig food? Home, waiting.
The son can be doing whatever, it didn't affect the posture of the father. Did the father not know what the son was doing? Well what the son did to him at the start was the worst of them all. Asking for your inheritance while your dad is still alive is basically saying "I want you to die". But did it falter the father at all? We all know the answer.
The son always has a father and a home. No matter which prodigal sin he is committing, the father and the home doesn't budge.
The same goes for us. Forever, in good times or bad, whether well behaved or not, gaining weight or losing weight, earning 3 digits or 10 digits, there is always, ALWAYS a place for us in the Father's heart :)
I pray and hope, even for myself, that the more we know we are forever accepted by God without anymore need to perform, we can care less about what the world and people thinks of us and just be secure in The Lord.
Be blessed, people!
0 comments: